Thursday, August 15, 2013

How to crap like a Woman

How to crap like a Woman

Under no circumstances, use any other toilet than your own, regardless of any stomach pain may be caused while waiting to get home.

With the toilet-brush, clean any residue left on the pot by your boyfriend/husband. Also, wipe his pubes off the seat with some toilet paper.

Flush the toilet twice before starting. Then wash your hands three times.

Line the toilet seat with toilet paper (as other people may have sat on the toilet since it was last bleached).

Stuff toilet paper inside the pan to prevent any chance of a splash back.

Pull panties down and sit. Some women may still prefer to squat (hover) over the seat as opposed to taking any risk of touching it with bare flesh.

Release solids, but DO NOT make any sounds whatsoever.

Rise and quickly flush before direct eye contact is made with any feces.

Take a length of toilet paper and fold it several times to positively guarantee that no residue will touch bare skin (about five or six applications per role).

Wipe once and throw paper into the pot. Do not look at the paper at all.

Repeat the previous two steps at least thirty times. It may be necessary to yell for your boyfriend/husband to find some more rolls to pass through the door while

promising not to open his eyes or pass any comments. It is traditional to do this while he is trying to watch sport.

Flush the toilet twice, bleach it, and leave the lid in the down position for your husband/boyfriend - this is now law in most civilized countries.

Wash hands at least three times with disinfectant soap.

Open all windows and spray approximately half-a-can of air freshener.

Pick up all reading material left behind by your boyfriend/husband and leave bathroom, closing the door firmly behind you.

No comments:

Post a Comment